Oblivious

I have a secret
and you never knew
You never noticed
You never heard me whisper,
never heard me scream
I wasted away in front of you
and you turned the other way,
never wanted to see
what you couldn't control
You couldn't face me
so I face it all alone
while you hide behind
your ignorance in bliss
Keeping up apearances
so others will only
think the best of you
diquising your shortcomings
behind your painted smile and
forcing me to do the same
Never let them see you cry
Force back the tears until
they just stop coming alltogether
Because when there are no tears
you can turn away and ignore
the only thing I ever
really need you to see

Denial (1/1/07)

Hold your breath
Slow the heart
Remind yourself
that you’re alive

Breath in
Breath out
Push the memories
away

Don’t cry
Don’t scream
Don’t overthink
Don’t feel

Eat
Sleep
Smile-
you’re being watched

Laugh at their jokes
Don’t let them touch you
Don’t let them see
Don’t let them get too close

Lock the doors
Don’t answer the phone
Turn out the lights
Stay inside yourself

Forget what he smelled like
Forget what he sounded like
Forget what he tasted like
Forget what he felt like

Wash away the blood
Cover up the scars
Ignore what you can’t accept
Sweep his face under the rug

And pretend it never happened

Pandora's Box

Fading memories of a man
larger than life
whisper deafeningly from
behind a brick wall of truths
I wish I never knew.
Secrets held captive by
generations of yesterday
have suddenly been freed
now that you are not here
to defend yourself
All the lies and betrayals,
all the damage you caused,
everything I was spared from knowing
now lay before me
and can never be taken back.
The secrets I never asked to know
now make me question
what I always believed.
Were the years even worth it
that I spent praying that
I'd make it to paradise
to see you again on the other side,
because if Heaven is real
would they even let you in?

Interrupted

She lies smothered
inside a heart that was once brave.
A heart that cried freely
with the tears of joy and sorrow.
An infant cooing with innocence and ignorance.
But one can only stay naive for so long before
life interrupts and shatters the myths of youth
so that the weakness of trusting is no longer an option.
It was trust that fated her to spend eternity
mending pieces that never quite seem to fit while
a moving reel of all life could have,
should have been flashes around her,
dizzying, emptying, suffocating.
She longs for the comfort of ignorance,
to laugh the laugh of a child,
to wear her heart on her sleeve,
and to live a life uninterrupted.

Dante in Dreams

Dante in Dreams (3/27/07)

False Prophets search the rubble
for seven signs of doom and salvation
but overlook the blood pouring
from her feminine hands
Because the weaker sex, the inferior race
has no place in God's Revelation
She is unworthy of her own free will
let alone able to carry the burden of stigmata
So we pray to our token deities that they will
stop fucking long enough to see
that the world has gone to hell while
we praised them for the tragedies
that we mistook for miracles
And we pray for all the desires
of our hearts and bodies
but neglect to ask for the wisdom
to know when love turns to emotional cannibalism
and now the ghosts hovering over my bed
give me a false sense of security and
drunken angels lead me astray so far
that I can no longer determine who
speaks my prayers and who hears them
But now it's too cold to feel
the fire burning beneath us and
everything we've prayed for has
damned us to this fate so
we give in and let
genius give way to insanity